This is Alex. If you ask him who he is, he’ll say “Alex, A-L-E-X spells Alex”. He can’t communicate like you or I but his mind is so beautiful. When he’s happy, he flaps his hands like he’s going to fly away. Or he’ll spin in circles. Right now, he’s happy because he’s had his “Cookie Crisp cereal” without milk and his apple juice. He has to have a routine in order to have his world make sense to him. He’s happy because we gave him his books. His WORD books with pictures of animals. The words never change in these books and the pictures stay the same. He lives for equations and order.
(me and AlLex at the park)
Alex is 7 years old now. He’s not mine but he calls me “Auntie Shewell” (it sounds like Antie Shoowoool). I’ve been in his life since before he was born. My friends, who were married at the time but aren’t any longer, decided to have a baby later in life. Alex’s mom and dad were almost 40. They were SO happy the day they found out their new baby would be a boy. Jerry only had girls and he wanted a boy to be rough and tough like he is. Dianna just wanted a healthy baby. Alex WAS healthy. In fact, the day he was born, we were amazed at how calm and alert he was. He was SO pretty. Prettier than a girl and too pretty to be a new born.
As time went on, I felt like something was different. I’ve always been able to bond with babies but I couldn’t bond with A-L-E-X. He didn’t respond to me and it was hard for me to connect. He’d cry or become agitated. His mom had a group called “Parents as Teachers” come in every so often. She did this because she was a good mom and wanted to see how well he was developing. It wasn’t because she felt something was wrong with him. She knew he was different because he wouldn’t nurse like her other babies nursed. He would hurt her and she couldn’t make him do it the right way, sometimes. Other than that, he was just a little different. Parents as Teachers immediately discovered that A-L-E-X was more than different. There was something developmentally wrong. They weren’t sure WHAT it was. They suspected Autism but when they’d ask Dianna to have him be seen by a neurosurgeon, or a specialist, she’d STRONGLY reject. She didn’t want something to be wrong with her baby. Jerry had a different approach. He always had the attitude that if something was wrong with his son, they’d get help and deal with it the best way they could. In Dianna’s defense, she’d already had a son with Asperger’s Syndrome. She’d already been through so much with Alex’s older brother. She only wanted a perfect son and for the world to accept Alex as a normal, beautiful boy. I felt so sad for her. NOT because I felt like Alex was a problem. But because I could see that she was struggling. Eventually, Dianna didn’t want Parents as teachers to come into her home anymore because she felt like they were trying to force their opinion on her and that they were trying to label her son unjustly. I think Denial is normal.
When Alex was 18 months, it couldn’t be denied anymore. We ALL saw it. Dianna was still in denial. As he grew to be a toddler, he couldn’t speak. She’d try SO hard to teach him but he just couldn’t. He ran around the house and flapped his arms like a bird. Sometimes, it looked as if his little arms would break right off his shoulders! It became embarrassing for her when she’d bring him out in public. She felt like she needed to explain his behavior to strangers, when they’d stare at him. She tried to make him stop but she couldn’t. He didn’t play like normal kids played. He remained in his own little world and there’d be no room for other people in that world. He’d become EXTREMELY agitated when noise happened. Certain sounds made him scared or mad. He especially didn’t like some little boys who made noise. He’d put his hands over his ears and throw himself on the ground and scream when he was around his nephew (who was born the same year as Alex). The activity that Alex enjoyed most was reading phone books or manuals. He didn’t want us to touch his books either. It was like Rainman, where words and numbers comforted him.
At this point, even Dianna couldn’t deny there was an issue. She tried but she couldn’t. We ALL tiptoed around the word “Autism” because she didn’t want that word spoken around her. I’m not sure how I did it, but I was able to talk her into having a neuro surgeon look at Alex. I went with her. It was sad, but within the first few minutes of our visit, Alex was diagnosed with full blown Autism. Dianna cried as she learned that her precious baby would have to be medicated and that he’d never be a normal kid or be able to live on his own one day. He wasn’t just SLIGHTLY Autistic, like we’d hoped. He didn’t just have Aspergers Syndrome, like his older brother Josh. He was a severe case on the Autism spectrum. Dianna has struggle with the need for medication ever since. He takes medication but not as prescribed and only when she feels like he needs it. I can’t judge this because I haven’t walked in her shoes. I struggled when my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. I couldn’t imagine her needing to be on medication for the rest of her life.
That was just a brief background. His little life, to me, is interesting enough to have a book written about him. In the interest of time, I’ll try to wrap this up.
(Here he is with singing with his Kindergarten class on his graduation day)
(I gave him a shovel to help me do my planting and he really tried)
(Alex is plugging his ears because he doesn’t like to be anywhere around his nephew Trevor)
Alex’s mom and dad have been divorced for a few years now. Despite what people SEE, Autistic kids really DO have feelings. He was attached to his daddy and his big yard and his big house. When Dianna was forced to move him to a small apartment with NO yard, his little world crumbled. Some aspects of his life are good now. He’s able to fit in at school and has learned SO much. He can talk and spell and he’s learned to express his emotions. He’ll say “Happy” and then smile. He’ll say “Sad” and then make a frowny face. He’s learned to tell us what he wants, but we have to give him choices. For example, I’ll say, “Do you want cereal?” and he’ll repeat the word “cereal”. I’ll ask him, “would you like alphabet or cookie cereal?”. He’ll tell me “cookie”. Sometimes, he’ll spell what he wants.
(playing my piano when he was 5 years old)
(laying on the floor keeping time with the music)
Alex loves classical music. His mom has been playing it for him since he was born. He can go to my piano or a keyboard and play (in ANY key), Mozart or Beethoven. He played “Ode to Joy” the other day and he’ll tell you what he’s playing. He played it in all “sharps”. He CAN play it in all flats. I think he’ll be a musical genius. Not just saying that. He LOVES my house because I have a piano AND a keyboard. It’s like heaven to him. Oh and he LOVES our little Beagle named DIxie! She doesn’t love him, sometimes, but he’s gentle with her and loves to chase her and show her affection.
(Alex loving on Dixie with his big brother Josh, who has Aspergers)
(here he is playing with my tea cups. He loves playing tea party and he never breaks the delicate china!)
He’s here now with us and has been since yesterday. His Mommy has to work 12 hour shifts all weekend and his sister has her own baby and needs some time away from little Alex. There would have been a day when he couldn’t have spent the night. Separation anxiety would have been too strong for me to overcome because he didn’t like being away from his mom or dad. NOW, Alex loves me. He can’t stop hugging me or kissing me. He wants me to hold him like a baby and he wants me to wrestle with him so I do. He loves to play games, he just can’t follow rules. He’s an absolute joy for me. I’d have him ALL the time, if my husband would allow it. Hubby is getting to the point where he doesn’t like noise and wants peace and quiet. Of our 5 kids, only 1 is still at home and he likes it that way. I’m NOT there yet and miss my kids being around. However, hubby never shows Alex that he doesn’t want him here. In fact, right now, he’s going over to Dianna’s house to get Alex’s bicycle so we can take this boy outside and have some FUN! He usually stays inside because there’s no place to play at his house anymore. There’s ALL kinds of room over here and he’s flapping his arms in excitement and anticipation, just waiting for his bike to get here!
I wish he could tell me what’s inside his mind. What does he think? What does he feel? I think it would blow me away if I could see the pictures in his little brain.